I feel so conflicted, this trip had brought up a lot of emotions for me...
For the last 20 days I have been on my own, but not on my own...surrounded by people almost 24 hours a day, and yet independent...
It is in my nature to be a little introverted, and the city is wearing me down...
374,744 km² of land, yet over 127 million people live here, crowded together, for the most part in harmony...
To help you grasp those amounts, Japan has a land mass almost equivalent to Montana, but is the 10th most populated country in the world...99.4% of that population is ethnically Japanese...
Looking the way I do, I've gotten use to sticking out in a crowd...
Looking the way I do, I've gotten use to people who do not know me being shy, being intimidated...
But those who do know me?
Seeing friends has been wonderful, everyone happy to see me, joyous reunions...
Seeing friends has been difficult, everyone has their own lives, everyone is busy...
You say "hello, good to see you, its been such a long time" and before you realize it, it's time to say "goodbye" once again...
Its all bitter sweet...its all in one moment...its all ephemeral...
At times I let my expectations get a head of me...at times I have no expectations...
At times I am let down and disappointed...at times nothing can bring me down...
Other times I have guilt come into my mind and feelings...
Guilt of making the most of this trip...not wasting a single opportunity...
But joy can be had and lessons learned in everything - is it wrong for me to take a break?
Is it wrong for me to relax? To look around? Listen to the crickets? Smell the rain? Experience my first typhoon?
This trip has been priceless...
This trip has made me stronger...
In times past I would have run home to the familiar when I did not understand, when there was a lack of comfort...
Here I can't do that...
Sometimes I cry....Sometimes I find the resolve...
I have had times when not only did I realize I can not run home, but that it will be weeks or days before I will be home...
But this trip has been like nothing else...I would not trade it...I do not regret any of it...
Sometimes you have to travel 4,792 miles away, to realize how blessed you really are...how much it really means to you...that you have a home worth missing...帰りたい けど、 行きたくない "Kaeritai kedo, ikitakunai"...
"I want to return home, and yet, I do not want to leave"
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1 comment:
This is Yuko(＾▽＾*)
Time goes so fast.
You already went back to Seattle.
I miss you now.
I'm glad that you really had a good time and I saw you again in Japan.
I'm glad that I had a wouderful time with you in Japan not only Seattle.
Please let me know if you have a chance to come to Japan★
またkaraoke行こうね！
See you soon Japan or Seattle or somewhere!(≧▽≦)ノ”bye2
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